Emma, Surely Not

Recently while roaming the blogashpere I stumbled upon a site which asked what would I be like and what question would you ask me if you met me. I was saddened to learn that many of my fans hoped I was just like Emma. Now I love Emma, truly I do, I created her after all, but I do not think I would want to be like Emma. I do not think I would enjoy meddling in everyone's lives so much that some important things had completely passed me by...such as being in love with a man who has been my neighbor for my entire life. Only to realize that I loved him when I thought he loved someone else. Also I am not sure I would be so conscious of class considering that I am not rich. I am a parson's daughter which means Robert Martin would make a wonderful husband for my friend. It is true that it was hard to not be aware of class during the Regency time, but I would not be in the upper echelons like Emma who had a rich father. I am quite sure though that I could be as thoughtless as Emma is at times. That I could and do say things that hurt my friends whether I do it consciously or unconsciously. I will admit that I have let a man or woman who I would like to be in good favour with mold bits of me and make me act in ways that I normally wouldn't. Although I would like to meet the person who has not done that, but perhaps not everyone is as weak as I am occasionally. I could completely see myself not liking Jane Fairfax and referring to her as "elegant" when I am pressed. I will willingly admit that I know many a Jane Fairfax or many a elegant Jane Fairfaxes if you press me. I would and have hidden behind a parasol from people although I believe today we call them umbrellas. I have meddled in people's lives much to their chagrin I am sure. But to not know that I am in love with what some would consider my best friend? That fault, which I feel is Emma's biggest is not one I possess. Yes, Emma is fun. She is spirited and good hearted and many a people would not mind to be like her, but I am not.

So who am I then? Well I would have to say I am most like Anne. I think I hold things together and perhaps I don't really, but I feel like I do. And I feel like I am the middle child who has yet to accomplish much in her life. That does not mean that I never will; it means that for now I am not where I wish to be even though I have done some very worthwhile things. And because of that I often think of Wentworth and his "Tell me not that I am too late." Words I live by. Tell me not that I am too late. Tell me not that this is it. Tell me not that I have lived. Tell me not that there is not more to be had. Tell me not that I have left my mark. Tell me not....tell me not....tell me not. For I will not believe you. I will hunt and I will fight and I will claw my way to what I want because I rarely take the easy path.

Tell me not.....Tell me not....Tell me not.....Tell me not.....